Baby See, Baby Do.

So I just have to share this picture.
That is me, eating dog bones with the dog.
As my parents laughed (I'm sure) and took pictures.
All in all it's a great picture though.

A Hiding Place

The music playing in the background swims into my sense stream, joining the flurry of sensations. Memories from just a few moments ago to many many years ago flow in and out of each other molding into a thought stream of my life. Like the slow-mo version of your life flashing before your eyes. As I look forward, it causes me to look back.

As a child, when I was angry or upset or frustrated or sad, I would go to my closet. Because I'm the opposite of claustrophobic and small places make me feel safe, I'd bring as much in my closet with me as I could. And sometimes, after fuming or crying, or whatever I needed, I would fall asleep. I felt safe there.

That's when my parents took this picture.

I was probably seven or eight.

In my journey to become an adult, I think the scariest thing is the lack of a safe place. Everything is different - the places I live every year, the people I meet, the classes I take. What used to seem unchangeable now changes really, really fast.

There's a prayer in the service of Compline (prayers at the end of the day) from the Book of Common Prayer (Anglican Prayer Book) that reaches out to me: "Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night [or day], so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances in this life may rest in your eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. AMEN."

While I miss my childhood hiding place, I know that I really only feel safe about it because it's in the past. The problems I faced as a child, though minor, seemed big then. I hope the same is true for today, that though some things seem big, they will work out, some way or another, and I'll realize that I've always had safe places to turn.

What is your safe place?

Favorites

So this is a post about favorites. It does not really apply to anything, except that I felt like thinking about my favorite things, much like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. Like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Except not that. (Warning: this could be a visually over-stimulating post. You are now fairly warned.)

So on to some favorites.

Abstract Artist:
So, I'm not really so much into the abstract art movement. In general. However, one abstract artist - I love. Wassily Kandinsky. Something about his paintings connects with me, which I didn't really think would happen with abstract art. I'm still skeptical, but I do like his work.



Small furry breathing thing:
My cat who has just now forgiven me for leaving him to go to college, just as I leave again.

Photographer:
Okay, so I have a lot, I really like photography, but Ansel Adams is really awesome.


Christmas Song:
Thanks to Paul for enlightening me to this wonderful song and group.
Straight No Chaser - 12 Days of Christmas


Random Collectibles:
Willow Tree figurines, or whatever you call them. I'm trying to stop collecting random things, and haven't yet started to collect these, but it's tempting sometimes. Thus far I've resisted, but if I do decide to collect something again, it'll probably be these.

Obscure Old Testament Passage:
Yeah, I like a lot of these too...but this one's my favorite at the moment:


(The photo and the editing are my own.)

Comfort Food:
Kashi cookies or frozen fruit.

Type of plant:
Bonsai Trees. I'm a little bit obsessed. Just a little bit though.

Some thoughtful posts will come later. I'm thinking of maybe some random trivia at a later point as well. Thoughts?

And just so I don't leave without saying anything interesting, I've been wondering about this: I very much want to simply my life, and rid myself of my inherited pack rat ways, but like all bad habits, have been finding the pattern hard to break. I know my life would be calmer and more relaxed without clutter, but I have a hard time clearing it out sometimes. They say that our homes or personal spaces reflect our souls, and vice versa. And I believe it. I feel sometimes like my soul is kinda cluttered, and needs some cleaning out, as I just keep putting stuff in, and not organizing well or cleaning things out.

So think about that - do you think it's true? Do our souls and spaces relate to each other? If they do, how do you go about changing things?

Hodgepodge of Five

1. For a long time I've been doing pretty well with the diet suggested to me by my D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy). This diet, among other things, consists of no white processed flour, no sugar, and no caffeine. However, tonight, as I was shopping at dinner time, and hungry, I bought a package of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate with mint filling. Let that be a reminder, never go shopping by yourself when you're hungry. It doesn't end up well. However, I should get back on track with my new food processor and blender (yay!) and my plan to make blueberry muffins from scratch with wheat flour (we'll see how that turns out).

2. Have you ever had a mood you just can't describe accurately? I had one of those moods, and then had it play out in front of me. So here's the story that describes the mood: I was out watching my nephew play in the front yard when a school bus pulled onto our street. It was big, and it made a lot of noise, and he's only 20 months. When he saw the bus come toward us, he turned toward me, his eyes big and worried, and ran up the sidewalk, grabbing my leg for security as the bus drove up. I have felt like that recently. Life looms at you and makes some scary noises, and I wish I was small enough that I could hide behind the leg of someone who would make it all alright. (Granted, I know that I can turn to God, but he never promises to make it all alright, just that He'll be there no matter what.) Sometimes I wish all of my hurts could be fixed with a hug and a kiss, like the problems of my sweet baby nephew.

3. Speaking of children, I'm in search of a Children's book. All this semester in school we studied the DISC personality model (Dominant, Influencing, Steady, and Cautious) it just recently hit me that one of my favorite books as a child was based off of that model to help kids figure out their personality. The book is The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality. I remember a little about the book, which follows the four animals - Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, and Beaver - on their adventure to find the key to the treasure tree. It turns out that the key is made up of four small keys, and each of the animals needs to find one. Conveniently, each key is achieved by using the best of each personality, and then the keys are put together, teaching kids that the personality types worked together. I remember as a child knowing my favorite animal, and then realizing just in the past week that it corresponded to the personality style I have now.

4. Since realizing that, I've also decided to start collecting other Children's books that I someday want in my children's library, like:
Brown Bear, Brown Bear,
The Giving Tree,
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day,
Dr. Seuss Books,
The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and
Goodnight Moon.

These books are particularly dear to me, because reading was my favorite thing as a child. These were some of my favorites. What was your favorite thing to do as a child? Has any of that nostalgia come back yet?

5. Also, I think I'm going to start trying to make my own jewelery (not really complicated things), along with my lofty goals of cooking, crocheting, knitting, taking and editing photos, and making things from magazines. Someday, I think it'd be really cool to make a quilt too. So maybe I'll do that. Or maybe I won't. Time will tell. God and school and life come first, but I'm pretty sure if I didn't zone in front of the TV I could get a lot done. TV is still okay, but it's those hours where I don't even really care about what's on, but still watch. Those are the problem times that I think I can be more productive with.

So there's your hodgepodge. Random stuff that's going on in my head and in my life.

Who Is Driving the Car of Your Life?

You may have heard the nice little saying, "If God is your co-pilot, change seats". The point of the phrase (as I understand it) is to help people understand that our lives are to be "living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God" -Hebrews 12:1, and to understand that we shouldn't be living for ourselves. However, as a metaphor, I think it is overused, and more than that, I think there are better ways to get that point across.

Here's what that phrase connotates in my mind:
"You should sit in the passenger seat of your own life. Don't worry, God will do everything for you. Just go to sleep, live on auto-pilot, go to church, go to work, eat, sleep. You don't need to work for anything, or try to change things, God will do it for you."

This is not quite the philosophy I try to live my life by.

Instead, I think we need to find something that sends a message more like this:
"You are not a puppet being played by a puppet master. By leaping into life with God, you become more YOU, not a shell of a person or a less real person, but someone more real, more vibrant. God, through His spirit, is always there, and will guide you. He deeply desires a relationship with you, and has beautiful plans for you if you listen to Him speak, and let Him guide you. But each choice is still yours. You are not a robot, nor a passive audience member to your own life. God became enfleshed in the form of Jesus (and died and rose again) not in order to take our free will or freedom away, but to free us from sin. " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1.

It is my understanding that God wants to transform our lives, not take them away from us. He did not come to continue the legalistic and judgemental ways of the pharisees. Rather, he came to show us how to live in Love.

I understand the good intentions behind the God in the driver's seat phrase, but I don't feel like God wants to kick us out of our own lives. He created us in His image, and said that it was GOOD. While He wants us to love Him, and be in relationship with Him, but even then, I don't think that He wants us to take a passive approach to life, or feel like our being is somehow less. While some of our habits that push us away from God will have to be left, what fills the space, I hope, is not robotic obedience (if God had wanted that, I don't think He would have given us free will), but an intimate relationship.

So maybe we should understand that as we drive, God has a map, and so we can be sure that when we listen to him, we will be better off, and more on the right track on our journey than if we tried to find the way ourselves.

A Few Degrees of Difference

As I drove through the near icy weather today, I thought about the difference that a few degrees makes. Driving in the rain at 33 degrees is much different than driving in the rain at 31 degrees. That's not much of a difference. I don't think that I could identify that change just by feeling it. However, it makes a big difference. At 33 degrees, all the water stays water, but just two degrees down and all that water starts to freeze. And then there's ice.

I think we sometimes deal with the same thing in our lives. For good or bad, small changes we make or things we do can have a great affect. While we can never know the outcome of all our actions, think about how easy it can be to make someone's life better (or worse). While children sing the song "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," most of us realize that that's not true. Our words, and our actions, affect people. This verse from James talks about the power of our words.

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." - James 3:9-10

Small choices we make, like the choice to smile at someone, say hello, compliment them, care about them - these choices can make a difference.

As some unknown person once said,
“Be Kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

Often we get caught up in ourselves. Particularly here in America where we are taught that we are individuals, make it happen for yourself, don't depend on other people. We forget that as we go though rough times, so does everyone else.

Instead of being angry at the world for not being a better place, why don't we do something to change it?

Maybe just a few changes could make a big difference.

Do you think a few degrees of change make a difference?

I do know, however, that however much I try to be a better person on my own, however hard I try to love others deeply and see the world through the lens of love, I fail.

Which brings be to a thought. A memory. Way back in middle school, I was at a retreat. The speaker talked about God as he relates to geometry. Think about a triangle - one of the unequal ones. You have one vertical side, one horizontal side, and the hypotenuse connecting them. Think of the vertical line as representing our relationship with God, and the horizontal line as representing our relationship with other people. Often, when God wants to love other people, He wants to use us...so His love goes from Him, through us, to them. That is what we call the "hypotenuse of love." (It is necessary that you say this in a cheesy voice. Thanks)

I always think about that when I think about loving others. I try to remember that I can't do that without making sure that I am in relationship with my God, my Savior, my Father, my Friend. For that, I leave you with the words of Amena Brown:



With God's help, I believe that we can change the world.

Do you think a few degrees of change make a difference?

Reflection on Ropes

I'm a little bit scared of heights. Not terrified, but they make me nervous. More than that, for some reason, ladders scare me. It's okay to laugh. But really. They do. I can't even climb into my attic because the ladder creaks and moves a little, and it freaks me out..

So yesterday I was at this college retreat, which was awesome, and we did some high ropes. I like to conquer my fears, as shown by the months of therapy to get over my clinical phobia (I call it clinical to let you know it's real. A real, by the book, fits the criteria, phobia) of needles. Which I"m doing much better with. So, because I don't have a phobia of heights, I figured that I should be able to deal with high ropes.

For these ropes, first, you hive to climb up a latter set against a pole. For me, that thing was the scariest part of the whole thing. After you get to the large pole a lot like a telephone pole, you climb up these little stakes. Scary. I know you're strapped into a belay and you totally safe, but it's still scary being up that high. Then, you get to the top.

This ropes course is at a camp on a lake, so it's windy. Really windy at 40 feet high. More than you might expect. From the ground, I could see the poles sway a little in the wind, kinda like the traffic lights do when it's windy. So I knew it was real, and really came to grips with that reality at the top of the course. One of the challenges had you walk across a log with nothing to hold onto, and the other asked you to walk on a wire with a rope to hold onto. Both, to me, are intensely scary looking. But I ended up doing both. And I loved it. (granted, I didn't do the "leap of faith" that required you to stand on this little bitty pole way up in the air and not hold on to anything. no thanks). For the two I did, it stretched me, and it felt great.

I hope that will set the course for this year. Growing, and getting out of my comfort zone to discover the great things that God has for me, even if they look really scary at first. Most of the time, I feel, it's kinda like the ladder problem. For me, the hardest part of the ropes was climbing the ladder (granted, when I got to the top and the wind almost knocked me off, that was intimidating too). Often getting the momentum and jumping into something is the hardest thing to do. But once you get going, you realize, maybe it's not so bad as I expected. Hard, yeah. Scary, sometimes. But worrying about it, and building up that anticipation with fear keeps me from experiencing the life and plans God has for me sometimes.

So I encourage you: whatever your ladder is, whatever fear or habit or issue is holding you back or dictating your life, maybe it's time to jump into whatever is beyond it. I think of Hebrews 1:1-2 as it says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith".

This new year, particularly, I've been thinking about being refreshed, and renewed by God, but this is true for anytime. It's time to stop setting my standards to be like everyone else, and let God change me into ME. I want to be who He created me to me, not anyone else.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:1-2

I'm not really here.

Yeah, I'm not actually here today. I'm on this really awesome retreat with some really cool people, but I'll be back tomorrow. But because of advances in technology, you get to hear from me anyways.

Having a nephew in the house reminds me of my childhood. This Christmas he got a Mr. Potato head, and he loves it. But how time flies. I remember when he was just a baby, and he's not that much of a baby anymore. Later this year, I'll have another niece or nephew. And in a year and a half, three semesters from now, I'll be done with college. It goes by so fast.

Also FYI, I've also recently discovered a love for being crafty. I can now knit, crochet, and make cool things out of magazine pages. As the year goes on, I hope to add to that list.

Today I'm going to leave you with an entertaining minute: the Bible in a minute. Enjoy.

Making Coasters

So, I bought these coasters last year at the mall, and six of them cost me $20. Well, later in the year, I went shopping with my friend Holly, who wanted some as well, and we couldn't find them anywhere. With Christmas approaching, I decided to try to make some myself. I started out trying to copy the square, but was unsuccessful, so I decided to go with circles.















Here are the finished coasters that I made.














Pretty cool?














How To: If you want to make some, they take some time, but they're pretty easy. The coasters are made out of magazine pages, so I tore out some pages, and then cut them in half.















After that, I folded the pages to approximately a centimeter in width. Then I glued each of the folded pages and but them under a book to dry flat.

After they're dry, I put glue on one side of the strip, and roll the first one up. After that, I put glue on one side (what will be the inside) of the strip, and roll it around the others. Make sure that you always have pressure on the outside strip, or it will come off. Keep going till you have the size you want, and then keep pressure on all sides (rubber bands work well) until the glue dries.

My next project with this is going to be making a bowl. I'll let you know how it goes. and maybe some more pictures.

Welcome to 2009

Happy New Year Everyone!

I have a whole list of resolutions that I'm going to try to do better at this year, and updating this is one of them. Wish me luck.

Well here we are, entering another year. 2009. I can't believe 2008 is gone. This past year so much has happened, it's hard to imagine that it all fit into one year, and its also hard to comprehend that its already been a year. I spent the first part of the year studying abroad in Oxford, England. I traveled Europe, and found a deep, deep love for the city of Oxford that I don't think I will ever lose. I saw small bits of Ireland, Scotland, France, Spain, Germany, and Italy. It was an adventure of a lifetime.

Within weeks of leaving England, I left again, this time for Morelia, Mexico, where I spent six weeks of my summer. I learned that you can love people even when you don't speak the same language. I learned that I'm really awful at Spanish. But somehow, God worked it out.

Then a visit to family in Michigan, and back to Abilene for school. A Willie Nelson concert with my dad, a Spurs game with my friend Holly, watching my nephew grow up, laughing when I realized he though I lived in the computer, because that's how he talked to me. A whole semester's worth of ups and downs.

And now another year. More changes to come. Another niece or nephew. Excitement, and nervousness. The time goes by so fast, and as the time goes by, I find myself growing up. Somewhere, it feels, I've become more of an adult than a child. And while that's exciting, it's also scary. It's a great adventure.

So at the start of this new year, this new adventure, I know that I will continue to be molded and changed by God. I hope this year to put in place more productive habits, and to really live my life for the glory of God.

It has been brought to my attention in more and more ways how we as people are designed by God for harmony and wholeness. However, not many of us know what that would be like. I don't. But I am coming to understand how interconnected the whole matter is. Our minds affect our bodies and our bodies affect our minds. Our spiritual wellbeing can be reflected in our physical wellbeing and vise versa. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 demonstrates this when it says "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Every part of us is called to holiness and wholeness. We are called to live holy and wholly. In body and mind. For me, this new years, that means taking better care of myself, in a healthy diet and exercise, getting organized, as well as spending more time with God, building deeper relationships with those I love, and learning to rest in God and be at peace. And, of course, learning how to solve a rubix cube.

I have a long list of wants for myself, but ultimately, I know that more than ever this year, I need to depend on God. For me, growing up comes with fighting off a lot of fears. But God is bigger that all of those fears. So here is my all-encompassing resolution for the new year:

Entrust myself to God each day, allowing him to mold me in His image, reach out to others, and each day to to live holy and wholly.