Self

Self.

In seems so many times that I chase myself, searching for the essence of who I am. Trying to cement my being, box it in, make it definite.

I try to hard
To discover who I am,
Only to find
I've changed again.

I think I've found that my self is fluid.
It morphs and remolds itself constantly.

Perhaps my self is like a kalaidescope. Movements and influences outside its control change the way it looks, while not changing its being. Different situations bring out different colors and patterns, yet the different images come from the same kalaidescope.

Perhaps it is better to focus more on being aware of my self, changes and all. If I can rest in where I am, I can better understand how to get where I want to be. At least I think. Certainly I hope.

And then there's a problem. With this fluid self that is complex and changing, how do you communicate that self to others? Surely there is a core, and essence or our being. But can to convey that to another person by the standard NAME/MAJOR/CLASSIFICATION introduction? Can you convey that by your interests, your family or friends, your economic status, gender, race, or favorite color? Can you convey your essence by your appearance, or even your hopes and dreams? What is it that makes us...us?

Perception: even if or when I think I've got my self figured out, I cannot control how others perceive me. Their perceptions and subsequent judgments or stereotypes can play a role in further shaping who I think I am.

2 Corinthians 3:18 says that we are "being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.".

Being transformed. A fluid process of changing self. Allowing our selves to be molded by God.

As Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

As for discerning his will, one of my favorite verses: "(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true)" -Ephesians 5:9

Being transformed.

We are always changing. Hopefully, we are changing for the better, being transformed into people who walk deeply with God, allowing Him to continually mold us, and shape us.

Because it's in God that we find our real selves. Only in Him can we really be fulfilled. Only in Him will we discover who we were created to be.

I am being transformed.

Hopefully I have a life again. *crossing fingers*

No lie, I just knocked on wood. I promise, I really did.

I'm so tired of being busy. I want peace in my life, and I have yet to figure out how to be busy and peaceful at the same time. There's always something more to do, and every time I check one thing off my to-do list, two more things appear.

But hopefully the worst is over.

And hopefully I can regain my creative outlets.

Maybe I'll take to painting polka dots. Or learn to do a cartwheel. Or play softball.
Maybe I'll finish my crochet projects and start the ones I really want to do.
Maybe I'll cook more.
Maybe I'll work on the miscellaneous crafting I want to do.
Maybe I'll do homework.
Maybe I'll blog or edit pictures.
Maybe I'll even take more pictures.
Who knows.

Hopefully I'll be creative in my dreams, and after that be creative here.